Job #8 – Pop Music Ghost Writer

“Thirty-two grams raw, chop it in half, get sixteen, double it times three. We got forty-eight, which mean a whole lot of cream. Divide the profit by four, subtract it by eight. We back to sixteen…”

-Foxy Brown

So, let’s see: 32/2 = 16. Now, double it, even though it defeats the purpose, and we return to 32. Times that by 3 and you get 96, not 48. Yet, if you divide the 96 by 4 and subtract it by 8 we reach our desired number of 16, which only goes to show why they make you show your work on math tests.

“I like them black, white, Puerto Rican, or Haitian. Like Japanese, Chinese, or even Asian.”

-Chingy

Japanese, Chinese and Asian? How diplomatic.

“Lucky that my breasts are small and humble so you don’t confuse them with mountains.”

-Shakira

I also sometimes get confused when I’m flying over the Southwest. I suppose Shakira’s chest is a little more like Kansas now that I think of it.

“My panty line shows/got a run in my nose/my hair went flat/man I hate that”

-Shania Twain

That’s kind of how I feel when I get out of bed, sadly. It’s important to relate to the listener. And that is why I wrote this:

8 pancakes all up in a stack/divide that four times/feed a family of four/but really though two pancakes might not be enough/growing children need 3/so 12 would be better/there might be leftovers/we’re back at 8.

-Tom

I feel that I’m qualified.

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