Flooding My Inbox

Thank you, Sara, for allowing me to reply to the following email on the blog:

Tom

So I just found your blog recently, but I’m confused. Are you like, actually trying to find one of these jobs? Cuz I don’t think you can actually have elephants for a Carwash, but I don’t really know where you’re from or whatever. I’m pretty sure you’re just joking but if you’re trying to find a legit job you should look for a Starbucks or something. I don’t mean to sound like a bitch or whatever but are you good at anything? If youre in college you have to learn stuff so like, couldn’t you go to a career advisor and take some career tests or something? Good luck in your job search, I’d check craigslist.

-Sara

Sara,

Let me begin by saying what a joy it is to hear from you.

I most certainly am hoping to land one of these jobs. In fact, I spend countless hours researching them not only for your entertainment, but also in hopes that I come across/stumble into a (preferably six figure) fun gig. Sadly, I can’t yet offer advice on how to be moderately successful.

Now, to kill two stones with one bird (I like hypocrisy in clichés) I am both from a place and currently live in a place where elephants don’t tend to roam freely. So, I suppose I would be forced to relocate to work in that field. But yes, the elephant car wash is for real.

In fact, I’ve made numerous calls to the Oregon Wildlife Safari and no one answers the damn phone. Further, I’ve been making phone calls, sending out emails, and even overnighting packages of candy hearts and chocolate flowers to prospective employers – which come to think of it probably makes me seem bipolar and creepy.

As for academics, I am a senior in college, as you may have been able to tell by the title of this blog. Though, as you said, college is intended to help you learn, I find it much easier to sleep through lectures and go on Facebook.

So, since academics are clearly not a selling point, what am I good at? Well, Fantasy Football comes to mind. And sex. In that order. Sadly, it’s difficult to make a living doing the former, especially since fantasy “expert” positions are overpopulated with nerds as it is.

And lastly, thank you for your suggestion regarding Craigslist. For some reason I always find myself wandering through arranged marriages and other miscellaneous gems. Perhaps if I can learn to stay focused I’d have better luck and less nausea.

Thank you for taking the time to write and I hope you find my response helpful.

-Tom

***

Email me at <thefunnyjobsearch@gmail.com> if you want to make my day/get on the blog. That is, unless you’re advertising penis enlargement pills or are attempting to find out where I live.

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5 responses to “Flooding My Inbox

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