Job #12 – Head of Inspiration

The internet must think I’m a crazy dude. Ambiguous job title after perplexing job title keep popping up on google.

I never knew Job #12 existed, but obviously since the internet says it does, it has to be true. So while I find that comforting, I still resent being taken on this roller coaster ride.

Anyhow, my wild guess is that a Head of Inspiration is in charge of inspiring people. Question is who because it directly affects how I inspire.

For instance, if I had the task of inspiring an elementary school kid to do his math homework, I’d say something like:

If you show me you can multiply 6×4 I’ll get you so jacked up on sugar, you’ll be playing Wii all night. (And you’ll have automatically qualified to study mathematics at ASU.)

Or if high school comes calling?

Son, it’s called sparknotes.com. It’s your new best friend. Just try not to quote it directly – a few teachers actually have internet.

Now that I think about it, odds are a Head of Inspiration is most commonly needed in the workplace, because as Office Space said, work sucks. I actually told a close friend of mine how to make it less miserable:

Dude, I know you hate your job. I just feel like your day would go way more smoothly if you snuck a flask in. Tell ’em you have to go take a piss, or wait until the boss isn’t looking, then down it. The other employees sure as hell don’t care – they sympathize.

But I guess you’re more of a vodka guy anyway. So, just slip some into your Red Bull or even into a gatorade bottle – no one will ever know. Plus if it’s Red Bull you’ll be so wired!

…It really wasn’t my fault he got fired. He didn’t get drunk during work, he showed up that way. I actually watched a Law & Order the other day in which a defendant was found not guilty of incitement (with regards to convincing teenagers to murder people, but the point is the same).

So, I’m good then. See the distinction?

…Either way, I think I’m striking out this week. Badly.

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6 responses to “Job #12 – Head of Inspiration

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