Discovery Channel: We’re Gonna Die!

In case you’re unfamiliar with Discovery Channel’s new series, “Curiosity,” the idea is that each episode focuses on answering one big convoluted question. Tonight’s episode was titled, “Alien Invasion: Are We Ready?”

Though I do believe aliens exist and though the episode was very entertaining, it was also assumptive that aliens would not only visit planet earth, but be hostile when they do. Picture “Signs” discussed by people with credentials minus crop circles and a cameo from M. Night Shyamalyn.

It was the quintessential hypothetical, but to some it was damn near certain. I know this because I read a thread on an internet message board and the people who post there are always rational. Look:

“Is it just me or is this show on discovery channel a really bad idea? If you are an alien trying to figure out how to attack and take over earth should we really be broadcasting into space how to destroy us??

I’m sure they are sitting back taking notes, anybody else think this was a really dumb idea? I’m sure they are smart enough to figure it out, but damn just seems like a no Brainer to not give them more ammo then what they need.”

Fuck! I hate when we give away secrets to evil aliens.

Well, if I choose to believe what I read (and I’ve said before, believe everything you read on the internet) then there’s really no point in getting a job. We’re all dead soon anyway.

That makes me feel better, almost like I’m a step ahead because I get to watch Spongebob all day while you fuckers are stuck in a cubicle.

More realistically though, assuming we don’t die in 2012 and assuming that aliens don’t wipe us out in the next couple of years, this episode was useful in that it helped reinforce that people can be exploited.

So, perhaps I can write a blog about a fascinating subject with broad appeal (oh, I don’t know, extraterrestrials) and claim to have insider knowledge and perspective, then put up advertisements and charge for public appearances and speaking events. But that’s hard to do. Here I am with a blog, still poor as fuck and begging for donations (click on the button to the right if you have PayPal to contribute to my ramen fund. I’m tired of eating packets of Ketchup for dinner).

Maybe it would be smarter to try and pitch ideas to networks like Discovery Channel. Perhaps that could be a real paying job. I’ve always been creative and innovative, as evidenced by my Coffee Bitch service proposal. In the theme of DC’s series, I could propose something like, “Curiosity: Chron’s disease, Can It Be Stopped?” or “Curiosity: Why Men Love Oral Sex.”

But I think I’ll label Job #19 as “Undecided.” I have a vague idea, but I’m not quite there yet. I may need some guidance.



I’ve made it really easy to contact me, and I like hearing from people. So go ahead and do that. Also, as I mentioned, if you want to help me upgrade from packets of ketchup to packets of ramen, there’s a button on the right that will help keep me alive (not that it matters, apparently).

Thank you.


2 responses to “Discovery Channel: We’re Gonna Die!

  • Alan

    Hello, hello, hello. Another post filled with your grand humor my friend. Well done sir. It was very funny. I have two things to share with you. Here they are.

    I keep trying to figure out a way to donate to your Ramen fund. It bothers me on a daily basis every day that you are having money troubles. The only problem is my wife won’t let me open another Paypal account because of a mishap that happened a few years ago. A very incorrigible person took advantage of my desire to obtain a choice engine that I needed in my train collection. Is there a way I could mail you a donation? You can email me directly your mailing address.

    The second thing that I will share is that you are spot on when you make fun of the individuals that insist that aliens are hostile and mean. Here’s why. I’m glad you said you believe in aliens or I wouldn’t be sharing this. My brother, who shall remain nameless, was abducted by aliens in his mid thirties. It was not the experience that you read about or see in the movies that all of the fakes describe. Instead it was a very peaceful encounter that left my brother in a state of happiness. Proof that people are too paranoid when it comes to our alien friends.

    Keep up the good work and I look forward to receiving your direct email about how I can get a check to you.

    Best regards,


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