Job #11 – Wet Leisure Assistant

My Stance: A bunch of slapdicks must have been put in charge of naming professions.

Evidence: Meat Boner, Erection Engineer, and this.

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“Wet Leisure Assistant” is a euphemism for “lifeguard” – but who would’ve known?

The actual purpose and duties of a wet leisure assistant are so well masked by its name that I was half expecting it to be an obscure sexual fetish found advertised on Craigslist.

In fairness, no one wants to sound mundane, especially not with regards to what they do. Back in elementary school, I thought of hall monitors as “School Security & Safety Attendants Specific To Hallways.” Didn’t you?

We’re trained to do this. If you’ve written a resumé, odds are you’ve transformed something incredibly dull like “filed papers” into something like “overseer of crucial documents.”

It’s just that wet leisure assistant is so absurd it could’ve meant anything. If only it were,

Assisting beautiful women in getting wet. Making sure they don’t choke. Mouth to mouth if necessary.

But instead, it’s more like dealing with kids pissing in the water on a good day and kids getting murdered by sharks as they drown on a bad one.

Moral of the story? Keep it simple.

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Verdict: Not impressed. I hope my search is helping some of you, at least…