A cemetery telemarketer is responsible for calling people to ask if you and your relatives are planning on dying any time soon. If the answer is yes, a cemetery telemarketer can make reservations for a nice spot in the ground.
Job #18 – Gum Buster
A gum buster uses “steaming technology” to remove gum from sidewalks. This gum may be decades old.
I would personally vote for cemetery telemarketer because the absurdity of saying something like, “I’m with the Mortuary, are you interested in 20% off of your next burial?” is too good to pass up.
That said, let’s play a little game of Would You Rather? Below are descriptions of Job #13 & #14 on my search: They’re both really dirty and therefore I urge you to vote regarding…
Would You Rather? – Which job would you choose if given no other alternative?
What Would You Rather See Me Do? – Which job would you force me to do? What would humiliate me most?
Job #13 – Male Specimen Courier
Last night I googled “I need semen delivered to my house” – you know, curiosity. Anyway, what I found was a pretty exciting career.
Basically, an MSC is the 3rd party in a consummation between total strangers. Your job is to find some frozen semen (easy enough), seal it up in presumably some tupperware, and then deliver it to a random woman or couple.
Then, you stand awkwardly in the doorway and hand the lovely lady a turkey baster, along with instructions to defrost. You’ll be an upstanding service-oriented giver of joy.
Job #14 – Livestock Masturbator
Speaking of funky spunk, have you guys ever heard of a Livestock Masturbator?
Basically, this is the fortunate soul responsible for …ahem…doing the dirty work… for an animal. Then it’s strictly procedure – freeze it, store it, defrost it, stick it in ‘ol Bessy.